Relaxation – 7/11 Breathing and Meditation

Although our image of mediators may be of gurus sitting crossed legged, in fact all you need to do to begin is just to sit comfortably.

What all relaxation techniques have in common is that they enable us to experience very deep relaxation in a way that we can’t get from any other activity, leaving us feeling much more rested than from sleep alone.  We feel a unique sense of calm and wellbeing.

There’s a wealth of research into the benefits of Transcendental Meditation and now Mindfulness Meditation too.   Using the breath as in a technique such as 7/11 breathing can have similar benefits and it is very easy to learn with a Human Givens Therapist.  (See www.hgi.org.uk for a list of registered practitioners.)

Benefits include

• Self soothing when emotionally stirred up
• Less anxiety
• More joy and happiness
• Sleep is improved

Generally in life, we tend to believe that our thoughts are random and we have no control over them. Through the regular practice of meditation though, we can become accustomed to experiencing quieter levels of awareness which can help us to feel more calm and peaceful even during times when we’re not meditating but just going about our normal day.

We can’t feel empathy for others when we’re highly stressed.  We’re not all that nice when we’re stressed, because the stress is so all consuming.

It’s a paradox that we feel angry with the actions of others around us when in reality, we ourselves are at our most selfish when we’re most stressed.

Only once we learn to get the mind to become less jittery, we can start to notice other things besides those stressful thoughts and naturally start developing skills of empathy, even without trying.

Try it; as the nervous system becomes used to dipping into that sense of calmness, you can find that you can soothe your self even in the presence of others.  Your buttons don’t get pushed into an automatic response in the same way as they did before you learned to relax or meditate.

Our perspective on situations that are potentially stressful changes because we know we can step back and see a bigger picture with more options.  Enjoyment of life is enhanced as relationships are improved.

Interestingly, brain imaging scans back up what we have subjectively known from our own practice of meditation and relaxation; that our brains are far more plastic than had previously been believed and our brains physically change in response to our thoughts, actions, and to our environment too.

 

When what your partner heard wasn’t what you said

We all hear through filters.

For instance, we can’t hear if we’re feeling blamed, or attacked because we’re too upset.

When our emotional brain gets flooded with emotion,  the thinking brain gets put on hold.  Then our partner wouldn’t be able to hear because the part of the brain that processes information is locked on hold.

This happens so quickly (it only takes a hundredth of a second for the emotional part of our brain to become flooded), it’s virtually instantaneous.  The emotional brain hears an attack which the thinking brain would never agree is happening but there’s not time for the thinking brain to think, the reaction has happened.

When we understand this, we realise that we don’t want to be attacking our partner because then they simply won’t be able to understand us.

We simply need to first hear the other person. That may be counter intuitive but it’s soothing to the emotional brain to feel heard and it keeps the foolish misinterpretations away.

It’s just the way our brains work and we have to get our own heads around this before we can move forward and start to have conversations in which we hear our partner and get to feel heard too.

Unfortunately it really does need to take place in that order.

 

So now we do know what to do for traumatised and angry ex servicemen and women

Wow I’ve been drawn straight back into blogging again (apologies for the long overdue absence) when I saw this article headline:

Military PTSD Treatment Success Rate of 83 Per Cent for Trauma

UK charity PTSD Resolution has a better than 83 per cent success rate in resolving trauma for 150 UK veterans of the armed services treated, according to a recent study(1). 

Military PTSD Treatment Success Rate of 83 Per Cent for Trauma

I didn’t know until I attended a conference on Post Traumatic Stress Disorder for traumatised armed forces, how these brave people get treated when they return home from their active duties in Afghanistan or Bosnia, often struggling to deal with Flashbacks, Nightmares and Depression.                                                                                                            Remember that often they’re angry, even violent, and have issues of alcoholism or drug abuse.   Well, let’s face it, nobody knew what to do for them.  Neither their families nor the public nor indeed the courts show much understanding.  Around 20,000 ex-servicemen are either in jail or on probation.

Did you know over 300Falklandsveterans have committed suicide? That’s more than were killed in the original Falklands fighting back in 1982!

Now we do know what we can do for these people.  A new trauma treatment through registered charity Resolution therapists, (See http://www.ptsdresolution.org/) is available for them for FREE.  It’s a treatment that is:-

1. Effective    2. Fast   3. Not in itself traumatic   4. Preserves confidentiality as even the therapist doesn’t need to hear sensitive details, ideal for the necessarily secretive forces.

See the full article here:   http://www.cisionwire.com/rea-tma-marketing/r/military-ptsd-treatment-success-rate-of-83-per-cent-for-trauma,c9153542

Final part of my radio interview

Hi everyone. Sorry I’ve been remiss in posting the final part of my radio interview – but here it is now. Hope you find it interesting. Events have overtaken it somewhat, as I have now left Relate to have more time to be available to you.

Let me know what you think.

Cheerio.

Carole

Carole Nyman Interview Part 3

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Why is it that when traumatised members of the armed forces return home, the public do not keep to their side of the bargain?

This week I attended a conference given by the charity Resolution on Post Traumatic Stress Disorder for traumatised members of the armed forces returning from war zones such as Afghanistan or Bosnia with flashbacks, nightmares and depression.

They got that way by fighting for our freedom and risking their lives for us. Do they get the understanding or respect that they are entitled to expect?

They are often angry, leading to violence, alcoholism or drug abuse.

Neither Families nor the public nor the courts, nor social services understand.

Today, 20,000 ex-servicemen are either in jail or on probation.

Over 300 Falklands veterans have committed suicide; (which is more than were killed in the fighting in 1982).

One in four homeless people is a former member of the armed services.

Human Givens Therapy can help these people. Through a Reg’d Charity called ‘Resolution’ there is FREE effective treatment for veterans and their families.

It is a treatment that does not require the traumatised person to recount their traumas so they don’t have to talk about their experiences in order to get over them.

Do you know anyone whose family have been traumatised by war, however long ago?

Tell them they don’t have to wait to feel better, they can see for FREE a Human Givens Therapist, such as me, Carole Nyman or they can call Resolution.  See the website http://www.ptsdresolution.org/index.html .

The treatment is a form of Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioural Therapy which is approved by the National Institute for Health and Clinical Excellence (NICE).

How A Single Key Unlocks 3 Problems Caused by Anxiety.

Anxiety influences all our relationships – with family, colleagues and friends.

Three Problems Caused by Anxiety:-

1. Irritability and/or sudden outbursts of Anger

2. Worry

3. Frozen inactivity

In the case of Irritability or Anger, compassion and empathy go for a hike. Instead we think selfishly:  “Why does s/he have to be so demanding when I have so much on my plate already?”.

And Anxiety and Worry are a pair, like toast and butter. You feel anxious, you imagine anything and everything going wrong.

Like the creative person that you are, you do this really well and imagine more and more disastrous outcomes and ‘what ifs’.  You’re not a bundle of laughs in this state.

In the state of frozen inactivity, Anxiety starts to prevent you from doing important things that you need to do. When that happens, the Anxiety is winning, and is starting to take over your life.

All these become relationship problems, which were created initially by the Anxiety, but soon become the new problem which feeds the Anxiety.

The whole thing takes on its own life, becoming a loop of relationship problems and anxiety, each continuously feeding into each other.

So you withdraw from people and it worries you……

The one key to unlocking these problems is to use your imagination to start relating again with others.  By focussing on the problem, you’ve been narrowing your attention and failing to see the bigger picture.  Your problems are entrancing to you and they have been isolating you.

Understanding this will make a big difference almost straight away because our brains are hardwired for connection and if we isolate ourselves by being emotionally involved with our problems, we will inevitably become more and more absorbed by our problems.

So watch future blogs for more on how to use your imagination for you instead of against you.

My JNET interview part two

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Carole’s Blueprint for Success –

Hi!  Welcome to my brand new Blueprint for Success tips for life and relationships.

I hope you’ll find it an informative and entertaining resource to enhance the quality of your life and sense that life is meaningful.

My background was a family solicitor, my ethos is strengths based –searching for ways to help you enhance your internal resources.

Perhaps you want to get a better handle on your emotions, have less anxiety or more magical moments. In the end, it all pretty well comes down to the quality of your relationships with other people in your life.

So I’ll pass on to you knowledge that I have gleaned from the worlds of therapy, social science and neuro-science, as well as bring you new developments as they occur.

By way of an introduction, here is extract 1 from a radio interview with me by Laura Gassner on JNET radio.

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